TEEJEIGH WHO.

So here I am again, writing an entry about the first guy I fell in love with. Some people might not believe that he’s really the first guy I fell in love with but that’s really true. As I have blogged in my first entry about him in nursecissism (if you haven’t read this yet, maybe you should click the link), I thought that I was in love before with these guys I met, but the truth is I was just in love with the thought of falling in love. It was with TJ Pascual when I felt and realized what real love is.

As much as possible, I am not going to repeat what I have blogged before about him because that won’t mean anything anymore if you’ve read it already. This is different. I remember about this scene in My Sassy Girl where the guy told everything about the girl he loved to the one she’s dating. It was an awesome scene. I cried while watching and I thought of doing it too. This is not to beg him to come back. This is not to make pabida or what. This is something that I really want to do. This is something that I want to tell the whole world. This is something that his new girl in the future (ouch!) might use as a source aside from getting to know him better. Of course, I still do NOT want him to check out on new girls. I am not a hypocrite. I still want him to win me back. I still want him to want me, to tell me that he needs me and that I am the only girl he truly loves. But I cannot force someone to do that for me. I am just here praying for better days, for strength and for happiness.

If I am not the girl destined for TJ to be with him until he gets old, then these are the things that YOU, the destined girl for TJ, should know about him:

1. He spells his name as TEEJEIGH. He is maarte like that. I know. But please remind him, it’s really spelled as TJ. :D
2. When he drinks in a restaurant or fast food chain, he doesn’t use straw.
3. He is afraid of heights. So don’t ever force him to go to Enchanted Kingdom or other amusement parks.
4. He loves Stoinky, his pet dog, so much. If you like dogs, then please do take care of Stoinky when his family migrates and when he works abroad. And oh, just in case this dog bites you, blame me. Because I told Stoinky to bite TJ’s new girl just in case. Just sort of a welcome thingo for you. :) Haha! Just kidding.
5. In relation to number 4, he will call you after watching a sad movie about dogs. So don’t laugh at him when he cries. Just comfort him. And hug him.
6. He likes being hugged. He once told me, “Ikaw yun naghug sa akin ng ganoong kahigpit…” So when you hug him, hug him as tight as you could. He likes that.
7. He doesn’t eat carrots and green peas. He told me that he learned eating vegetables because of me.
8. When he’s sick, make sure that he’ll only take Paracetamol when it reaches 37.5 C. 37.3 is still a normal temperature. He’s so stubborn so make sure he follows.
9. When he has headache, tell him to stop facing the computer and TV and just take a rest. And drink Biogesic.
10. Before he goes to sleep, please remind him to drink Vitamin C. His work is really stressful so to prevent him from getting sick always, he should be compliant to taking vitamins.
11. When he and his sister fight, just keep quiet.  Let him rant. He just wants someone to listen to his rants. Don’t meddle or something. It won’t help. Just remind him that he’s the first born so he should try to understand his sister when she acts immature-ish.
12. He drinks occasionally with some of his friends. Don’t stop him from seeing his friends.
13. He has two girl bestfriends. Gervic and Leah. They’re really nice. You SHOULD NOT get jealous of them because there’s no reason to get jealous. They are like his sisters so don’t you ever stop him from communicating with these girls. I haven’t met Leah though but I really think she’s as nice as Gervic.
14. If ever you want to buy him a gift for his birthday or your monthsary, don’t buy him a collared shirt. He would just tell you, “Ang dami ko nang damit eh!” So buy him something else.
15. He loves playing games so much. He plays Ragnarok and DOTA a lot. It’s sort of a stress reliever to him so don’t stop him from playing.
16. He likes his PSP too. So when he doesn’t reply, don’t get mad. He’s just playing his PSP.
17. He really, really loves to cook. He will never make patalo to your mom. He will always tell you, “masmasarap ang luto ko sa mama mo!” But when he’s infront of your mom, he wouldn’t say that of course. Haha!
18. On your first few months, he will tell you that you are beautiful, that you are sexy yada yada yada. He will tell you every compliment that he can give you. But after a year, he would not tell you that more often. But don’t interpret it as something that you should get worried of. He knows you’re beautiful inside and out. And you should just trust him that he sees you that way.
19. He tells his friends your achievements. He may not tell you right in front of your face how much he is proud of you but he really is proud of you. Again, just trust his ways.
20. When he drinks, he will tell you the things he can’t say when he’s not drunk. He will thank you for loving him and he will tell you that you shouldn’t worry about his ex-girlfriends (this is ouch for me, okay) because they’re just his friends. If he cares about them, it’s because they are/were his friends. Nothing more than that.
21. He doesn’t want you to wear too tight or skimpy clothes. He likes seeing girls wearing sexy dresses and other thingo but when you are his girl, he will not let you wear those stuff.
22. He’s very protective of you. If a guy checks out on you, he will easily get jealous.
23. He likes surprising you a lot. But don’t expect too many surprises from him. Just go with the flow. There might be an instance that he will make you really mad on a Valentine’s Day but on the next day, he will appear right in front of your house with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Really, really sweet of him.
24. He wants a loyal and faithful girl. He wants an assurance that he is the ONLY guy in your life other than your dad and your brother.
25. When he courts you at your house, he will get really nervous. He will sit like a military guy while talking to your parents. He knows how to respect your parents.
26. Don’t expect his mom to love you at once. She will love you in her own way, in her own time. Sometimes, she might call you using his ex’s names but don’t be sad. It was just that she was used to talking to his ex’s. But don’t worry, when she learns to love you… you will receive an overflowing love and support from her.
27. His dad is palabiro like him. He is a very, very hardworking man and he loves TJ a lot.
28. When you hear his mom or dad reprimanding while you guys are talking on the phone, tell him to put down the phone first.
29. When he’s really mad, don’t shout at him. Make lambing to him. It lessens his temper. It’s actually his weakness. And he really likes a very sweet girl.
30. But don’t act like a 15 year old girl, he doesn’t like that. Don’t whine a lot.
31. He is delusional. He thinks Maja Salvador and Katrina Halili are his girlfriends. Don’t get jealous though.
32. We met in the internet so basically he is an internet addict.
33. He is a very, very funny guy. If you think he doesn’t make lambing anymore, you’re wrong. If he teases you a lot and jokes around with you, that is his form of lambing.
34. When you have problems, he will listen to you but he will not say anything. He will just listen to you. It doesn’t matter if he couldn’t give you an advice. As long as he is there willing to listen to your every day rants, be happy.
35. Of course, you shouldn’t rant those things your whole life. He is just a human. He will also get tired. So do something about that rant.
36. If there’s something that made you happy and excited, go call him at once. He really appreciates it when you call him first. That way, he feels that he is the most important person in your life.
37. If you do not have anything to say to him anymore, just say those 3 words. I LOVE YOU.
38. Tell him that you miss him a lot. Tell him how much you love him. Don’t expect though that he would reply back. Again, trust him. He loves you and misses you more than you think.
39. He tends to get mayabang at times. But that’s not the yabang that is annoying. It’s a funny yabang.
40. Laugh with him. He likes that.
41. He has this silly laugh that I always like to hear. When you hear it, you’ll definitely fall in love with him more.
42. He has a lot of dreams and goals in life. He likes checking out new houses and mansions. Support him. Don’t tell him that he can’t buy those things. Just tell him to go for it. It motivates him more.
43. Sometimes he tells you things he has watched from National Geographic. Don’t get bored. You will learn a lot from him.
44. He will give you the best gifts. It’s not as expensive as you think but it’s something that he really thinks is best for you.
45. Always appreciate every little thing he does for you. Thank him. Tell him he’s the best-est boyfriend even if he has a lot of shortcomings and imperfections because for me, he really is. Never ever forget to thank him every single day. It’s really important that you let him know that he is appreciated.
46. When he’s tired from work, let him rest. Don’t force him to listen to your kwentos. He needs a lot of rest and you have to be really understanding and patient.
47. If he buys you food that you don’t like, eat it. Okay? He wants you to eat it. Period.
48. When he starts working abroad, please promise him that you will wait for him no matter what it takes. Please don’t cheat on him. He doesn’t like cheaters. Make yourself busy so that it would not be hard for you to wait for him. When he gets back, please be there at the port area or airport. Be there. Wait for him. Hug him like you’ve never hugged him before. Give him the best kiss you could ever give him. And tell him that you missed him a lot. (This is what I’ve always wanted to do.)
49. Love his family as much as you love your family. Don’t let your family put him down as well. He doesn’t deserve it. He deserves to be accepted in a family just like how my family accepted and loved him.
50. Give all the best love that you can give. Prove him that you are the right person for him. Don’t let him down. Every now and then, do some things that will make him kilig. It doesn’t matter if it’s corny or cheesy. He appreciates what you do for him. He just doesn’t tell you always that he appreciates you but he really does. When you look at his eyes, you know that this guy loves you so much.

These are just 50 things that I want to tell you. There are so many things that I want to list down but I guess I’ll stop at 50 for the mean time. To tell you honestly, when I watched that part in My Sassy Girl, I thought it was really sweet. But now that I am doing that thing here, I realized how much painful this is to tell his future girl about the things she should know about TJ, my one and only love. Again, I don’t want to be hypocrite. I still want him. I want him back. But writing this… I somehow felt happy in a sense that I am proud of telling these things to people I don’t even know. I am proud that this guy taught me how to love, how to really love. He taught me what true love is, that no matter how painful everything gets, you still know and feel that you love this person, that you can’t even say hateful things about him… that all you can say are good things about him… good things that people should know… good things that will remind me of him that he is my first ever true love and that he is just amazing… no matter how imperfect and moody he is.

Again, I didn’t write this to get sympathy. I don’t want sympathy. I just want you to understand why I love this guy so much and why it is fucking hard for me to let go. I pray for happiness for both of us. I don’t hate him even though there are a lot of obvious reasons to hate him. I just can’t hate this person. I just can’t hate him. No, I am not a goody-goody person. It’s just that when you truly love someone, that LOVE you feel for him/her overrides HATE. And remember what the priests say? Don’t let hate conquer you.

So there, I’ve said it. I actually want him to read this but he’s not a reader. He hates long posts and I don’t want him to think that I am begging for him to come back that’s why I wrote this entry or I made this blog. I am not talking to him anymore though I really, really miss him a lot and that I long for him so much. But he wants space so I am giving him the space he wants. I am making tiis about this longing because I just have to. There are times that my fingers want to text him and dial his phone number. But I try to control myself because I don’t want him to get irritated. I want him to contemplate if he still wants me. If yes, then I thank God. If no, then I should prolly start moving on and live my own life without him. I know I will be okay, I know I will be better in time… in God’s time.

Again, I don’t want sympathy. I just want you to appreciate TJ for what and who he is.

Oh, by the way, I am Xyla De Vera… that girl who loves him more than he could imagine.

That scene in My Sassy Girl. Somewhere in 4:00.